I know people read this online journal (no idea why), so if you are browsing along and see that title, and think this will be a upbeat story, boy are you in the wrong place. The title is satire, and this blog is far from uplifting. You might want to read another story.
So this was a fun week.
What is the second worst thing to happen to someone who hates themselves every day, and thinks the rest of the world feels the same way (The number one worst thing would be: have a girlfriend tells you she loves you, than the next day she asks you to come in a room with a team of her therapists to dump you. That one makes it so you never want to date again). Well that would be this week.
There were 4 mass shootings in my country last week, in the span of 4 days. So everyone needed to do the usual freak out and find scapegoats, because they have no intention of fixing the problem. So for the last week I have been bombarded with all the reasons they say causes this problem. I’ll detail them, they are all bullshit reasons. They are all problems that every country has, yet no other country has as many mass shootings. They are scapegoat problems. Things that generally my country does not like, and since they do not like them, they must be the cause. It does not matter if they are the real cause or not, because it is 2019, facts do not matter anymore, comforting lies are better. My country likes to point fingers, and never solve anything. That is just the way it works here.
So it is just wonderful for people like me (who hates themselves), when everyone starts blaming societies ills on traits that you have. It just sounds like a never ending echo. You are right, everyone does hate you. Not only do they never visit. Not only do they never call. But when anything bad happens, you are the first one they blame.
On to the blame game. The media has blamed 3 things this week for the cause of it. As stated before they have zero proof, but that does not matter, they need someone to blame. Of course I fit all 3 categories, because people really do hate people like me.
Category 1: Men, particularly white men. Yah I am a white guy. I am apparently responsible for all sin, for existing. It is rich white men that are the problem, not ALL white men, but it is 2019 facts don’t matter anymore.
Category 2: Mental illness. Their logic is you must be crazy to want to do that, so ALL mentally ill people are dangerous. These categories do follow a trend, don’t they, all or nothing thinking. All people in this group are dangerous. It does not matter that the mentally ill are more likely to be victims of violence, than to cause violence, it is 2019 facts don’t matter anymore. So they want to take guns away from anyone with a mental illness now. I don’t have a gun, I don’t want a gun. The problem for me (other than saying we are all dangerous), is saying we are less deserving of rights than “normal people”. If they successfully take this right away, they will be back to take more rights away. The take away I get from this is we are less deserving of rights because we are beneath them. Kind of reminds me of the German jew relationship of the 1930’s. The Jews are beneath the Germans (the mentally ill are beneath the normal people), but the Jews are dangerous (but the mentally ill are dangerous). The Jews need to be identified and labeled (we need to make a online database of mentally ill people), we need to take away the rights of Jews to protect ourselves (we need to take away the rights of the mentally ill to protect ourselves), we need to lock up the Jews to protect ourselves (we need to bring back institutions to lock the mentally ill in, to protect ourselves). My country has already made detention centers in the last two years for Mexicans crossing the border, so it would not be that hard to believe they would do the same thing for the mentally ill again. The only thing we got going for us, is there are thousands of Mexicans, and millions of people in my country with mental illness. They likely will not lock us all up again, because it would be too costly.
But when your governor is on TV saying how he wants to strip a constitutional right from you because of your disability, yah that feels wonderful. I don’t want a gun, but no one is going to object when they decide to take more of my rights away “for their protection”. They don’t even have any evidence, and they have no problem stripping our rights away. That is the point when you know, that no one is going to be fighting for your rights, no one cares about you.
Category 3: Video games. The government is mostly controlled by Baby Boomers. They are too old to have played video games. Over the years the attitude they have had about them has changed. When I was a kid video games were just a waste of time. By the mid 80’s they made you dumber. By the early 90s they turned you into a drug dealer (than my city I was living in banned all arcades, because that was causing the drug problem, hint, it did not go away). Mid 90s Mortal Kombat wanted you to rip people spines out, and for the last 20 years (first mass shooting was 1999), it turns you into a serial killer. There has been numerous studies proving there is no connection between video games and violence, in fact they improve hand eye coordination, and reduce anxiety and depression, but it is 2019, facts do not matter anymore. So since facts don’t matter anymore Walmart decided to take violent video games away, but keep selling guns. People really do believe this bullshit.
This comic I saw sums it up nicely:
I could say what the cause of the problem is, but whats the point. No one cares what I think, and my opinion is just as shitty as the 3 above.
But these kind of weeks just really bring me down. It proves what the people around me, think what I actually am. They believe that I am a monster. All these thoughts I have about myself (that no one can stand me) are not wrong. They just usually keep it to themselves. But whenever something goes wrong, and they are scared, and need someone to blame, they start blaming me first. I am the ultimate monster in their mind. It does not matter if it is true or not, that is what they believe me to be, a monster. My feelings about myself are confirmed. They are no delusion as previous therapists have said, therapists also say people like me, yet no one visits, no one calls. The therapists were full of shit, this is the reality, I was not wrong.
From the day I was born, my parents blamed me for everything. I was the black sheep, I was responsible for all of the families problems,
When I went to school, no one talked to me except when they wanted someone to bully. I was different (a sad kid, because I was being abused by my parents; a poor kid in a rich school district). The teachers stood by and did nothing, because they believed I deserved it. In 9th grade, I got tired of the daily bullying and decided to fight back one day. Than they finally got off their ass and did something. They suspended me, not the bully. That day it became 100% clear that the reason they never did anything for 10 years, was because they believed the same thing the kids believed. I was different and deserved to be bullied. But doing the same thing the bullies were doing, you are not allowed to do that. After my suspension ended I never came back, and officially dropped out when I was 16 (a year later). Took a GED when I was 17, and graduated a year before my class did, and missed 3 more years of bullying. Best decision I ever made.
When I became a adult, they aren’t as openly hostile as they used to be, but when something bad happens, they come again to blame me for their problems. They have never liked me, I was different. If I get stabbed in the back someday, as with the teachers I had, they will think I deserve it.
It is just wonderful when you hate yourself, and everyone says (in their actions) we hate you too.
If you are a “normal person” reading this, don’t worry, I am not going to do anything but sit in this apartment (like I always do). I have 41 years of experiencing this, it is nothing new. I learned the best way to deal with people, is to not be around them. So you don’t have to worry about ever seeing me. But if you feel the need, blame me for everything wrong with your life in the comment section if you feel like it, I am used to it (doubt I will respond though).